More Than Nothing
by timelucked
Summary: My Hands. Coated, covered. Covered in dust. In soot. In ash. In memories. In her. Sifting through my fingers like nothing more than a dream.


Gone gone – _gone_. She was gone. No more. Gone gone _gone_.

Like dust through fingers. My fingers. My hands. My hands my hands my hands. Coated, covered. Covered. In dust. In soot. In ash. In memories. In her. Sifting through my fingers like nothing more than a dream.

My flower. Not a daffodil, pansy, or tulip. No. My Rose. My sweet, beautiful Rose. You were taken.

Stolen.

Gone.

Cheated.

I was cheated. They cheated me from you. They took you from me. My rose. Rose Rose Rose Rose –_ Rose_.

Give her back. You bring her back now. You right this wrong, you give her back. She was gone forever. A mist, a smog, nothing. Nothing. My world – it was nothing now. It was lost the minute she stepped before those rays. My pure, sweet… Oh Rose. Please come back. Why did you leave me? I'm so lost without you. They're taking me away and yet I can't feel a thing. Why can't I feel anything? I can see it all, but I feel so empty. You're not here. Why?

Rose Rose Rose. Like a mantra in my head. I've been put under this curse and I never want to escape. But you did. You were stolen from me. My beautiful flower, they ripped you out before you were ready to bloom. My budding Rose. They snipped your life like the stem of your appellation. Why?

"Why?" my voice nothing more than a squawk as human guards drag me away. "Why her?" _So sweet, so soft. _They yanked me harder as I fought to be back by her side. By the soot that marked her for something she wasn't. She was worth more than the nothing she became. Worth more than something being swept up and cast away. _Why did she go? Why was she taken from me?_ "Why not _me_ – take me instead!"

The heavy chained door swung with a grating creak. But I didn't hear it. My insides felt hollow, my limbs as heavy as lead carbonate in a Djor-Njki phasor blaster (and by the by those were quite cumbersome) and my mind was numb. I was not accustomed to the sensation. Always my mind was in motion, in work and in use. But it seeped out of me like Rose in my hands.

I choked back a sob.

"Hey, buddy," I felt a warm hand clamp down on my shoulder and knew immediately I wasn't alone. Pity, I would rather have spent my time alone. That way I could have bashed my skull in with no futile interruption. "It's going to be ok."

How could he say that? How could he _say_ that when it wasn't going to be okay. It was _never_ going to be okay. I lost the woman I loved. And I did. I loved her more than anything. 900 years of time and space, and I'd never loved a creature more. I knew it as well as I knew the precise tilt of the earth and the speed at which it orbited. I knew it as well as I knew the exact date that Caesar, Genghis, Hannibal, Alexander died. I knew it as well as I knew, down to the scrupulous second when Bilfabour Drahn-Draconaor the III came into power in the fifty-thousandth colonial principality on Mars. I loved her, and the moment I knew it she was gone.

"It's _going_ to be _okay_," he re-emphasized, shaking the shoulder he clasped in his suddenly vice-like grip.

I stared up at the handsome mug and felt disgust, contempt. This man knew nothing. Of all the galaxies he'd seen, he had still known nothing but philandering, whoring, and –

-and the guard shifts and their vulnerabilities. The cage creaked again wheezily, as if it were a living asthmatic. I allowed my fingers to drag down the daft face of mine – and knew as I glowered upon the guard who imprisoned me and my one chance to get to my TARDIS, and get back to a time and space where I could have held Rose in my arms and kissing her until she was red in the face just to show her I cared. Just to show her how fantastic and lovely she was. How much I cared and how much an old Time Lord could love. How she wasn't as cheap and useless as soot. How she meant more, so much more. And allowing my clawed grip to reveal my face to the enemy, I knew that it was not the same friendly mask I always plastered and painted on myself.

And the guard knew too, that it was over before anything began.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So in case you couldn't gather (not that i gave very many hints - apologies~) this was the season one finale when Rose gets ZAPPED TO DEATH - or to ASH, rather. **

**Probably due to my friends brainwashing (yes, you know who I am talking about) i absolutely LOVE Rose/Doctor(9/10)  
>And upon seeing the look on his face (which she kept pestering me about to LOOK at) I knew i HAD to write about this. This meaning his feelings. I think. Hmmm, shouldn't I know?<strong>

**I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment. If you read this and move on without doing anything, my spirit will haunt you for all of eternity. Thank you, come again~**


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